Confessions of a Drama Queen

I stopped in the middle of eating my breakfast this morning to write this blog post. I've been debating sharing it or not, but the subject has been on my mind for a while now. Things keep happening this week that lead me back to this post. Maybe this is a risk to put on the internet and a little too honest, but every once in a while I need to ramble on about my feelings on certain subjects--so if you're not here to read then feel free to hop on over to a more entertaining webpage.

I don't really know where to begin--my mind is spinning with thoughts. I think I worry too much about what other people might be thinking. This makes me downward spiral into a mental pit I can't seem to get out of in certain social situations no matter how hard I try to "be myself". To cut to the chase, I am having a hard time believing in people right now. Maybe you can help me out with that. I don't know how my words will go over with whoever reads this blog, and I know I don't have a huge support team of readers ready to back me up. In fact there is quite the opposite, a measly "get off my internet" forum with a string of hurtful and ignorant comments about me and my triplet sisters. I stumbled upon this a few months ago, and the anomynous strangers' words stuck with me for a few days. I know these things shouldn't get to me, but I'm just that kind of person. I act like I don't care, but I do. For some reason.

I feel like social media is ruining relationships. I feel like people jump to conclusions after seeing a few blog posts or Instagram photos. I feel like it is tricking people into thinking they know somebody. And what hurts the most, is when people you are friends with in real life "unfriend" or "unfollow" you because of something you may or may not have done. Then you start to question yourself as a person. I guess I just thought real life friendships mattered more than social media relationships so I assumed it wasn't a big deal. Maybe I am thinking about this way too much. Maybe I am being dramatic. But is it wrong to take these things personal? Is it just absolutely ridiculous? I feel like the answer is no. No, it's not. Because social media IS a part of our daily world and social interactions--for most people anyway.

I like to support my friends and the people around me and in exchange share my accomplishments with them as well. I try my best to be a good friend, but I know sometimes that isn't enough. I know I wasn't there for some of my friends during a difficult time like I should have been, and I feel so bad about that. But sometimes I seriously don't know what to do and I assume someone else can do it better. Maybe it's not fair of me to think that way. I feel like every friendship brings something different to the table, and not all of them are meant for the deep stuff. Some of them are just for the fun stuff. Obviously the best kinds get both, and I feel like these sort of relationships should happen naturally. It shouldn't be forced. I always felt like a true friend can pick up where they left off and conversation comes easy, and if there is a silent moment it's not awkward. Maybe my expectations are too high or even too low. Friendships take work, but you know what? I don't feel like I need a lot of friends. I don't need to be surrounded by people to feel cool. I just want a few good ones. Which leads me to my next problem.

As you may know, I am an identical triplet. Having this close relationship with my two sisters might intimidate other people to find a place to "fit" into our triplet trio. Maybe they think there isn't room for them, or we don't want it. I apologize if I ever made someone feel that way. It is true, I will never trust anybody like I do my sisters (sorry), but that doesn't mean I don't yearn for a friendship with someone else. People really do treat us three differently and often times even if they just know one of us we are all treated the same. Girls can be so confusing. I just thank the heavens above that I have my triplet sisters to rely on.

This blog post is getting lame. I'm not sure it is going where I wanted it to go. The point is I just want to know, why do people always have to compete and compare? Even if it is unintentional. Everybody is so connected now because of social media and blogs which leads them to thinking they own an idea or are entitled to something. It's all a bunch of bull shiz is what I really wanna say. Unless you literally invented something yourself or started some sort of movement, you draw inspiration from somewhere before making it your own. Whether it be the people around you, the environment in which you live, or social media outlets you follow. If we really wanna play that game then it might be a good idea to stop pointing fingers, sit down and really think about why you do what you do and how you started and who inspired you. What I do for a living sometimes puts me into this pool of materialistic drama that makes me want to move to another country and teach yoga instead, like I dreamed of doing after I graduated college. In the end the goal for most people I think is to simply be happy and hopefully make some money along the way. And if all this hooba-joob fulfills that need then no judgments here.

People change. I know that. I know I have changed over the years, too. I just want to change for the better. I read an article today and the following segment really stood out to me...

"Choose your dream. But not from a department store shelf. Find the still-quiet place within you. A real dream has been planted there. Discover what you want to do in the world. And when you have chosen, may you faithfully pursue it, with integrity and with hope."

I hope this post doesn't come off wrong, which it probably will to some of you; but I am sick of beating myself up, being misunderstood, and getting dragged into this popularity game nobody wants to admit they're in. I am happy with my life and I am especially happy with who I share it with. I have been given so many blessings and I am truly thankful. Although, I will admit I hate social media but love it. I am sensing some change in the near future and I can't help this craving for a simpler life, a life I picture on the road in our VW bus doing what we love.

PLEASE… if you have an uplifting comment or advice, go for it. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. If you don't like me or what I have to share, stop following me. Let's just be real for once, thank you.