Coming Home

It's always bittersweet coming home from vacation. I was especially looking forward to it after my babymoon in Mexico. I was away from Van for a whole six days! At first I thought about him constantly. I could feel his warm kisses and his arms wrapped around me like he so often does. I would watch videos on my phone reminiscing on the everyday moments at home with him and suddenly they seemed so precious. Before too long of self loathing I had to remind myself why I took this trip in the first place! Drew sweetly reminded me that I may have been away from our son, but I wasn't without our daughter who is growing inside of me.

I finally turned off my phone so it was just the two of us with no distractions. As the days went on I remembered how in love I am with my husband. It felt like a relief to be able to sleep in, stay out late, eat whenever, and do whatever we wanted all day every day. It truly did feel like a second honeymoon.

As sad as it was to say goodbye to lazy beach days and sun bathing, I was anxious to see my Van man again! I got my wish, and at midnight he woke up screaming with a runny nose. I picked him up out of his crib and he looked at me as if I was some sort of stranger and cried for "nana". My mama heart broke and I started to cry, feeling sad that I wasn't bringing him comfort and guilty for leaving him. I know this is pretty normal for his age, but I didn't expect it to be so hard. We spent the night together and by the next day we were friends again. 

It's amazing how fast babies can adjust to a new caretaker. There's a part deep inside of me that worries about that because I feel like mother's work so hard to earn that bond, but then there is another part of me that is extremely thankful that if anything bad were to happen my son would find comfort and happiness again in another. 

There is nothing that makes me feel more fulfilled, happy, or confident than being a mom. But if and when the opportunity comes up to take a break from the routine I think that's ok. Before you know it life is back to normal and those six childless days on the beach suddenly seem like a distant memory that just might get you through the next challenge in what we call, motherhood.